Dames at Sea

We have two days at sea before we land in Cartagena, a city I know only from Romancing the Stone.

All I need are tiny liquor bottles in my purse

First real full day at sea and a Sunday, so Sunday brunch was called for. It slotted in easily after morning stretch and shine, port talk, the food talk, etc. After all, brunch is delicious and hard to ruin. At least I thought, until faced with a piece of bread rumored to have relations with an avocado, sitting on a mountain of arugula and in the company of people who found it awful how young people these days don’t think of saving for retirement. 

There are lots of interesting, enjoyable people onboard your average cruise. These people weren’t among them. There is not enough alcohol in the world to make people like that interesting. So I sat there, with my pile of arugula and empty glasses, wishing for an iceberg in the middle of the Caribbean so perhaps these peoples exteriors could match up with their interior (I’ll spell it out - dead inside).

I escaped to our room where I got a customer service call in response to my comments on on lack of internet, which I had sent before the horror of Mom being sent alone on the tender. As I said, via feedback:

How much is it going to cost to give feedback? How much to ensure it’s read? Because this is the nickel and dime-iest cruise I’ve ever had. Soda? $. Minibar? $. (seriously, charging for a minibar?) And don’t even get me started on your lack of internet. I don’t stay at hotels without free unlimited wifi, so why should I cruise without it? The 90’s have called and they want their customer service back. 

We talked, and as I explained to the customer service rep, being charged an exorbitant amount for wifi is an annoyance. My main beef now is how my mom was shipped off without me, after assurances they would wait. 

Of course, they were shocked (Shocked!) that it happened after I had spoken to the staff (they were fully prepared to put the blame on the contractors), and of course, they sincerely regret that it happened. 

Me: So it shouldn’t have happened.

Her: I didn’t say that. We have protocols about tenders and boarding, and your mother had already boarded..

Me: So your protocols are more important than your passengers?

Her: I didn’t say that. You are making assumptions…

Me: assumptions based on what you told me, which is that you have protocols in place and those protocols caused you to send a passenger who needed assistance ahead to shore in spite of assurances that the tender would wait?

Her: You talked to the officers?

Me: Yes.

Her: Daphne will have to investigate. 

I’m beginning to suspect that Daphne is not a real person, but customer service speak for “we are putting you off hoping that you forget about it.”

Meanwhile the ship is rocking - a lot. Mom, and I suspect many of the other passengers, is laying low with a touch of mal de mer.