Half Moon

Our ship, from the cay. Somewhere in the afterlife,
Bruce Ismay is getting an erection

Our first port of call was Half Moon Cay. As a natural feature, it’s actually pretty interesting. I would have loved to have someone to ask about the native ecosystem, invasive species, reef ecology, etc. As it was, it did not get off to a great start. After getting Mom on the tender, I realized that we forgot the special towels (available to purchase for the low low price of $23) and asked the crew if I could hurry back and get them. “Of course!” they said, so I dashed to the room and back. 

Of course, the tender left without me. So now Mom is stranded, unsteady on her feet, on the far shore. I went to DEFCON 5 in a snap.

Me: You took my 89 year old, mobility challenged, hard of hearing mother to the Cay after promising to wait?!?

Staff: Ummm…oops?

I really didn’t want to take my anger out on the tender staff, who were obviously on contract (“Be sure to tip!”) with Holland America, but the officers on deck - there is no fucking way they are getting off the hook. I’m thinking I would like a personal apology, in person, and assurances that it won’t happen again to anybody. Later I got the message that Daphne was on the case. We’ll see who will wear the other down over the next two weeks. The good news is that the staff was attentive and no harm came to her. But really - should that situation have happened in the first place?

Meanwhile, they had these huge PVC dune buggies to help people across the sand, since wheelchairs were really not workable. 

Never before have I so strongly sympathized with
the Prince of Egypt.

We took one and started trekking down the line of shade structures to find one that wasn’t occupied (procedure as originally described). As it turns out, there are procedures that they don’t tell you about. First you have to wait in line at customer service and get a Yellow Slip. Then you find a shade structure that hasn’t been erected. Then you find an assistant in a yellow shirt marked “CLAMSHELL SHADE ASSISTANCE” to set it up. And then, of course, you tip. 

But in the end, we got installed in a lovely bit of shade overlooking a frankly beautiful beach (regardless of the whales beached on the lounges) with even more beautiful water beyond. When I ventured my cetacean self out, it turned out there were beautiful tropical fish in the water as well. 

 The main theme here seems to be sandy beach, drinking, water sports, drinking, sunburn, drinking, and drinking. Did I mention drinking? You would think there would be a limit to the number of times one can dance to Humpty Hump (my guess = <1), but you would be wrong. It was like a bunch of repressed octogenarians suddenly tapping into their inner collegiate spring break selves. There they were in their crocs and fanny packs, forming the letters to YMCA. Sometimes it was even to The Village People. 

The big hangouts were the pirate ship and the Lobster Shack, a name I’m convinced is based more on the skin tone of the clientele than any crustaceans. 

I did check out the ship, for obvious personal reasons, and
I do have to give props to the props. 

While I didn’t drink, I did try out the jet skis. Mom was really excited to see it (“I want pictures!”) until she found out it wasn’t water skis with jets attached. Personally, I had a lot of fun. Our guide was a strapping young man with two front teeth missing (in retrospect, it should have given me pause), who stated that, as a first timer, I should hang back. Then he started up, I was the only one ready to go, and so I took off after him. 

It was awesome. I went from Sydney Greenstreet to Bond Girl after about 100 ft., chasing the villain (Two Teeth), flying over the waves while scrubby palms flew by in the background. 

I may have to get a motorcycle.

When we got back there was a message on our phone from Daphne, the customer service rep in charge of our case. In case you were wondering, this was what I said:

My 89 year old mother, who has mobility issues, was just sent ahead on a tender, after assurances that the tender would wait for 10 minutes while we got our towels. Right now, I don’t know how my mother is doing and I AM PISSED! This is something that can create a situation which will seriously compromise her current and future health, and yet getting the tender going, even after staff assurances, was more important. So: did your staff lie, or just ignore a passenger with a legitimate concern? 

I stopped by (Oh, I’m sorry - Daphne just went off shift) and made the staff person aware of why I was there (DEFCON 5) and why I’m upset (basic sense of decent human interaction). They were very sorry and would be sure to pass along the note to Daphne.

I don’t see a resolution any time soon.